“It is
natural for the immature to harm others. Getting angry with them is like
resenting a fire for burning.”
- Shantideva
Once upon a
time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of
nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail
in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But
gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier
to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the
first day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his
father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for
each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy
was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father
took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. “You have done well, my son,
but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you
say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife
in a man and draw it out, it won’t matter how many times you say ‘I’m sorry’,
the wound is still there.”
Anger is a
natural emotion that every human and many non-human animals experience. Mild
forms of human anger may include displeasure, irritation or dislike. When we
react to frustration, criticism or a threat, we may become angry and usually
this is a healthy response. Anger may be a secondary response to feeling sad,
lonely or frightened. When anger becomes a full-blown rage our judgment and
thinking can become impaired and we are more likely to do and say unreasonable
and irrational things. Anger is not just a mental state of mind. It triggers an
increase in heart rate, blood pressure and levels of adrenaline and nor
adrenaline. Anger has survival benefits, and forms part of our fight or flight
brain response to a perceived threat or harm. When a human or animal decides to
take action to stop or comfort a threat, anger usually becomes the predominant
feeling and takes over our behavior, cognition and physiology.
HANDLING
ANGER - APPLYING ANTIDOTES
- Patience – patience is the main antidotes to anger. As common wisdom says: just count to 100… Patience is like a beautiful ornament. When you become a person with great patience, it brings a certain element of charm to your life. You are loved by others, and you give no problems to your friends. You bring an element of joy, happiness and calmness to other people’s lives.
- Slow thing down – count to ten; devise strategies to slow things down. As your pace slow down try to visualize a relaxing or pleasant experience – take your mind there.
- Express your anger – make sure you do this when you have calmed down. Do this in an assertive non-aggressive way.
- Exercise regularly – any of the hormones we release when we are angry are produced to help us out of danger. This was great hundreds and thousands of years ago when we had to run away from bears and predators. Exercise uses up those chemicals and hormones. If you exercise regularly not only will your body better regulate your adrenaline and cortisol levels, but as you become filter you well have better levels of endorphins – natural feel-good hormones. You will also sleep better; a crucial factor for good mental health.
- Plan what you want to say – if something is bothering you, remember that you are more likely to get sidetracked when discussing an issue if you are angry. Taking notes before the conversations.
- Focus on the solution, not just the problem – it is fine and useful to identify what made you angry. However, it’s much more important to focus on ways to resolve the problem.
- The word “I” is more constructive than the word “You” – when giving praise, the word “You” is great, however, when you are angry or resentful the word “I” tends to achieve better results. For example: “I find this subject upsetting. Could we talk about something else, please?” is better than “Why did you bring that up…?”
- Humor – don’t give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that’s just another form of unhealthy anger expression. Good humor can sometimes dissolve anger and resentment faster than anything else. Humor is a fantastic weapon and also a gift. Some people find that just remembering a funny joke, or imagining themselves or the other person in a silly situation gets their mind away from the anger.
- Proper breathing – just as anger can increase your breathing and heart rates and tenses up your muscles, you can learn to reverse this by deliberately slowing your breathing and systematically relaxing and loosening your muscles.
- Sleep – try to get at least 7 hours good quality sleep every night. Sleep is crucial for good mental and physical health. Sleep deprivation has been linked in many studies to mental, physical and emotional health problems – including anger.
“When reason ends, then anger begins. Therefore, anger is of
weakness.”
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